This is why Halloween works

I buy into Halloween: the candy, the costumes, and the scary movies. I gave an informative speech my senior year of high school talking about Halloween. Here’s how my speech went: history of Halloween, Halloween today, and why girls dress like streetwalkers. True story. I really did. Here’s how the history of Halloween goes:

Once in a land long ago, there was a ritual called some name I don’t remember. People believed in this ritual that it was the one time of year that spirits would roam the earth. They dressed in masks to throw off the spirits so they wouldn’t attack them or some such belief. I know it sounds like I don’t know anything, but I promise I got an A on this speech. It was just too many years ago. Back to the story.

There was once a girl who believed her mask needed to attract that of a toolbox-frat-spirit and decided to make her mask even smaller than the rest of the maidens in the land. The rest of the lasses took note of this and decided to follow suit. Every year the masks got smaller and smaller until one day, POOF! No more masks. The people of the land were completely shocked. All of the young ladies’ faces were bare. The spirits could see their faces for what they truly were: girls looking for attention, probably with some sort of family issues.

Snap back to current day Halloween. I know this topic has been beaten to a pulp, but I just don’t really understand how dressing provocatively got started. (By the way, obviously all of that was made up. Except for the part where I got an A. I really got an A). I have respect for girls that can rock a costume that flaunts their curves and whatnot, but I have little respect for girls that wear nothing and a headband. Then again, it’s their choice and not mine. If they want to dress like that, to each their own.  I’ll stick to watching scary movies.

I just love Halloween. If that means that girls dress in a way I don’t like, then I don’t have to look. And I know that. There’s a theory that bad things have to exist to make the good ones even better, such as Gangnam style exists to make [insert your favorite genre] even better. So girls wear non-costumes to make my Pink Power Ranger costume even more awesome. And so for that, I love the non-costumes. And I can live with that.