This is why we live with regrets

This is the story of the time I discovered we all have regrets. I know it’s looked down upon to own up to having regrets, but I have many. Okay, I’ll stop being so dramatic. I have a few. I rarely regret instances in my life, but sure, they’re there. I just can’t fathom why people say “live life without regrets.” Sure, it’s a nice sentiment, but I just don’t see it being all too attainable.

I mean, my biggest regret today was drinking coffee. Why? Because I forgot it makes my stomach hurt. And on top of it all, I burned my tongue. It’s all fun and games until my tongue gets torched in the flaming hellfire that is coffee. It was free so I don’t regret it that much. But I still would not drink it if future-Marie came in and told me I would regret drinking that coffee.

I couldn’t tell you my biggest regret if I wanted to because I’m not sure I could narrow it down. It was either wearing black eyeliner with blue eye shadow in 7^th grade or using gel instead of hairspray for a few years on my fake bangs. Listen, I’m not here to judge but if you did either of those things like I did, then you definitely have regrets too. I can’t even justify that “it was the style” like people from the 80s can because neither of those things were ever in style.

I think the most serious thing I regret is quitting piano to join cheerleading. People try to justify regrets by saying that everything happens for a reason. And maybe they’re right. But I’m not buying it right now. I think my life would’ve taken a completely different route had I stuck with piano. Who knows, maybe I’d be the next prodigy and playing at Carnegie Hall by now. And maybe I wouldn’t have chosen baby blue eye shadow—we all make horrible mistakes.

But then again, maybe not. Maybe I would’ve been equally as miserable as I ended up being from cheerleading and maybe everything worked out. Perhaps in an alternate universe I did stick with piano and ended up differently. But at the same time maybe in a different universe I stuck with cheerleading and never quit and ended up living that dream somewhere. Who’s to say? I kind of like me now. And I’m sure my friends and family agree at least a little bit.

Don’t be afraid to take chances on those possible regrets. If you regret them, you regret them. It’s never too late for me to go back to piano. And while my cheerleading door has closed, a different opportunity opened to take me to a crazy path that includes this blog. So thanks past-Marie for quitting. Maybe I won’t live with that regret after all. But if I do, it’s okay! 

This is why I can't have nice things

(This past week was just awful. And I know a lot of people are going through a lot. So hopefully you take this blog post lightly and know that when I joke about wanting material objects instead of love from people, it’s really a joke. Have a good week, everyone)

I have just been so materialistic lately. People just want love and affection and I say forget that; I want all of that from my phone and computer and camera and what have you. I know that’s wrong and I shouldn’t value my things more than people and that’s what’s wrong with society but I can’t help it. It’s gotten to the point where I absolutely cannot buy anything else because I have a very good reason. The reason being that I am flat broke. When I (hopefully) land another internship this summer and start making money again, I don’t know how I’m going to keep from online shopping.

So I came up with the top 10 ways I can keep from going crazy spending-wise:

10. I can store my money in cans and bury them underneath the house (I have a relative that actually did that. But that’s a different story for a different time).

9. I can “invest” it all in clothes (that’s just me buying more clothes and I know it doesn’t count. But can we just pretend?).

8. I can forgo even getting a job and live off the mercy of my parents thus resulting in no money (yeah right).

7. I can trade and barter instead.

6. I can bet it all. It’ll either get gambled away or I’ll become way richer. I don’t see the problem.

5. I can give it to my dogs.

4. I can spend it all on ice cream and candy and give it out to neighborhood children. Although, their parents might think I’m a creeper so scratch that.

3. I can give more to my already ridiculously over-priced university (laugh with me on that one).

2. “I'll turn [the money] into a flea, a harmless, little flea. And then I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself. And when it arrives, AH HA HA HA! I'll SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER! It's brilliant, brilliant, BRILLIANT, I tell you! Genius, I say! Or … to save on postage, I'll just poison [the money] with this!”- The Emperor’s New Groove

1. I could donate it. But then I’d write it off as a tax break thus resulting in more money later. So never mind.

I guess all my options are out. Oh well. More money more problems, you know? 

This is why it's alone vs. lonely

Before you start to read this don’t get discouraged. This will not be a sad-sap post. But I will be honest; I feel very alone/lonely lately. Now, feeling alone and feeling lonely are two totally different things. Being alone is good and people should be alone sometimes. I remember my freshman year of college getting into a fight in a class with a guy during a discussion of what it means to be alone. I argued that I loved being alone sometimes and that it was necessary to be alone at times. He said I was anti-social and wrong. And then I said something to the effect that he probably was scared to be alone and it shut him up. Oops. Oh well. Harsh Marie can be harsh.

And while it’s good to be alone, I personally believe it’s never good to be lonely. When you start to feel lonely, you start to crave people and things to fill your loneliness and oftentimes because you’re so desperate to fill that void, you fill it with the wrong things. Take for example Brittney Spears. She couldn’t just be alone. And instead had to get with Kevin Federline. And guess what? It didn’t work out. So bam. She shaved her head. If you don’t want to end up with a shaved head, don’t fill your loneliness with the wrong people.

So how do you know what the right things are to fix your loneliness? That’s the beauty. As stupid and lame and cheesy and lame as it sounds, it comes from you. You can’t count on other people or things to make you happy. You have to rely on yourself. And that’s why I’ve been so lonely lately. I’ve done a pretty crappy job at being there for myself. I’m two umbrella-thrusts-at-the-paparazzi away from going crazy and shaving my head. Why do you think when girls go through a breakup, they end up with different colored hair or bangs or something? People act out and feel the need to change themselves when they realize they’ve made some sort of mistake.

I am almost laughing at myself because of my lonely-feelings. Like, who in their right mind dwells on being lonely this much? So why have I felt so lonely? I will share it with you because you are my loyal blog readers and I love y’all. But I’m pretty independent when it comes to needing people. And lately I’ve just felt like I need someone else in my life. But I also realize that because I’m having all the feels, that means it’s probably not the right time to be with anyone right now, because this is the time that I would fill my emptiness with the wrong person. People, don’t be so desperate to get a significant other.

So as for me, do not fret. I will be fine. But for you, if you’re really feeling overwhelmingly lonely, talk to someone. Talk to a friend. Talk to me. Please do not go off and do something drastic. Like attack the paparazzi and then shave your head. But seriously, it's okay to feel all the feels; we all go through it.

(All the feels!)

This is why I love my shows

TV shows are a very lovely thing. They thrust you into a world of make-believe or real life experiences. They build a trust in you so great that you love the little things that make no sense to the casual watcher (such as a t-shirt or a line that was said maybe three times). You become so addicted and so hungry for the next installment that you build profiles online and talk passionately to other viewers about what you think will happen. The true TV show fanatic is taken for a roller coaster in which you place all of yourself into that scenario for 20-45 minutes. And in return you’re given, hopefully, a beautiful story that begins and ends nicely with no snags along the way.

As I write today, I am reminded at how much of a mushy-gushy fan of TV I am. It seems silly because most shows on television suck. But then every once and awhile a pristine new show prances about capturing the hearts of everyone. I don’t personally watch anything on AMC but I’m beginning to think I should. That’s where I got the idea for this post. I have noticed that lately everyone goes bananas for The Walking Dead. I’ve noticed how people gush on Facebook about some girl dying and how it was expected but kind of sad. And see, to me, it’s “some girl.” But to the masses of people who genuinely love this show, it wasn’t just some girl. It was a girl who had meaning and it will definitely change the dynamic of the show.

I have a major project presentation coming up on Wednesday and I chose to present on the evolution of the sitcom from 1990s to today. It’s funny how little scholarly sources you (don’t) find when looking for information. Not everyone views TV shows as reverently as I do. Some time ago I wrote about why I can’t watch TV anymore (click here). I can’t seem to shake it though. I crave new shows. And I didn’t think I watched a lot of programs until it was pointed out to me. As for my first paragraph of this post, yes it applies to even sitcoms.

So what do I want you to take away from this? I understand even the dumbest of reality television has it’s place; but please give episodic series a chance if you don’t already. Too many decent shows are dying while stereotype-filled shows that place a stigma on society live on. Do we really need another show where there’s a man who sleeps with a million girls just to do it and has no character growth? The answer, my amigos, is no, we do not. So let’s all vow to love one another, yadda yadda yadda, and especially, truly love what we are watching. 

This is why I'm never leaving social media again

If you’re a frequenter of my blog, then you know that I gave up all social media minus the blog for lent. Needless to say, my readership went way down because I wasn’t barraging everyone asking them to read every week. I did still have some faithful readers, however, and those people carried me during my Lenten period. Much like Jesus in the desert, I, too, felt weak and alone without the comforting arms of Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram.

The first few days were tough. It was hard to not whip out my phone and get on everything in an uncomfortable situation. Imagine, I actually had to talk to people before class. And I found myself getting super irritated at my friends when we would hang out and they would check their phones every five minutes. If you’re laughing thinking, “that’s totally not me,” trust me, it is you. They probably didn’t even realize they did it because it’s so instinctual. But I kept whining to myself “HANG OUT WITH ME! TALK TO ME!” but I know I’ve done it in the past and will probably do it sometime in the future so I can't be too mad.

But seriously, I was able to enjoy little things when sitting outside before class or riding in the car or at a friend’s house. It was easy after the first few days but then it got super hard the last few days as I waited ever so impatiently. I’m not saying what I did was heroic because truth be told I hardly feel like I did the true Catholic Lent (honestly it was more of a social experiment), but I did gauge how much I rely on social media.

And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I missed tweeting and posting about a lot of major events because I chose to give it up. So while it was nice interacting with people face to face, I also think it’s important to interact via any means possible. Plus I spent the first few weeks trying to cope without having something to do with my spare time by spending a lot of money online shopping. And that’s not any better.

At the end of the day I am happy that I was able to last 40-something days without it but I would never ever ever do it again.