This is why I can't have nice things

(This past week was just awful. And I know a lot of people are going through a lot. So hopefully you take this blog post lightly and know that when I joke about wanting material objects instead of love from people, it’s really a joke. Have a good week, everyone)

I have just been so materialistic lately. People just want love and affection and I say forget that; I want all of that from my phone and computer and camera and what have you. I know that’s wrong and I shouldn’t value my things more than people and that’s what’s wrong with society but I can’t help it. It’s gotten to the point where I absolutely cannot buy anything else because I have a very good reason. The reason being that I am flat broke. When I (hopefully) land another internship this summer and start making money again, I don’t know how I’m going to keep from online shopping.

So I came up with the top 10 ways I can keep from going crazy spending-wise:

10. I can store my money in cans and bury them underneath the house (I have a relative that actually did that. But that’s a different story for a different time).

9. I can “invest” it all in clothes (that’s just me buying more clothes and I know it doesn’t count. But can we just pretend?).

8. I can forgo even getting a job and live off the mercy of my parents thus resulting in no money (yeah right).

7. I can trade and barter instead.

6. I can bet it all. It’ll either get gambled away or I’ll become way richer. I don’t see the problem.

5. I can give it to my dogs.

4. I can spend it all on ice cream and candy and give it out to neighborhood children. Although, their parents might think I’m a creeper so scratch that.

3. I can give more to my already ridiculously over-priced university (laugh with me on that one).

2. “I'll turn [the money] into a flea, a harmless, little flea. And then I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself. And when it arrives, AH HA HA HA! I'll SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER! It's brilliant, brilliant, BRILLIANT, I tell you! Genius, I say! Or … to save on postage, I'll just poison [the money] with this!”- The Emperor’s New Groove

1. I could donate it. But then I’d write it off as a tax break thus resulting in more money later. So never mind.

I guess all my options are out. Oh well. More money more problems, you know?