This is why you should listen to yourself

If I had a blog post for every time I wanted to start a post by saying, “I am so dumb,” then I’d have all my blog posts ever. It’s not that I really think I have problems, it’s that I know that going in I shouldn’t be writing that week. Something always comes up, it’s inevitable. And then I have to convince myself, “Well that’s life, something’s always going to come up.” And then I tell myself, “Okay, thanks, Mom.” And then myself and I have a good laugh followed by a deep cry, as per usual.

So why am “I so dumb,” this week? I don’t know. I guess it’s because I have been pushing my limits lately and it’s finally catching up on me. I feel like this is a safe space, even though it’s the Internet and nothing is safe, so I can talk, amigo to amigo. I was like, “Yeah I can handle more work this semester;” and clearly I’m failing at that because it’s only the second week and I am already pretty behind as I procrastinate and write this cathartic blog post. I also have been getting no sleep lately because my mind is just so wired with all these constant thoughts and worries that I’m just like, well, crap.

Don’t worry. I’m not too hard on myself. I still allow myself to pig out on junk food simply because I come home tired and drained. Which leads me to my main point (and for the record, I am so tired that I combined the words “main,” and “point,” and wrote “pain”), guys, don’t be hard on yourself. I don’t even know why I’m freaking out already about this semester and feeling terrible. Why? To get all As. It’d be nice, but I’m just trying to do my best.

When you try to keep up with the world, it’s just going to swallow you. Keep up with yourself, that’s what’s more important. I always know I am getting ahead of myself when I start to dream about oddly specific recurring dreams. It’s like, oh great, another haunted house dream, time to wake up and fix my life. Which is weird, but that’s how I always know I need to not freak out. And everyone’s different and everyone has his or her own way of knowing when to slow down.

LISTEN TO YOUR HEART.

Like that one song with the same name.

OR as Mother Willow in Pocahontas says in all of her old-grandmotherly wisdom, “Listen with your heart, you will understand.”

Okay I’m done lecturing myself. Time to go to sleep. And hopefully not have haunted house “get-your-life-together” dreams.