This is why I feel bad for Katy Perry

The first time I heard “I Kissed a Girl,” I was convinced Katy Perry was a one hit wonder. Then, she kept coming out with more and more songs. And I thought, “You know what? Good for her. She’s sassy and not afraid to offend people.” She had this crazy style and was not a conventional artist. Her outfits were wacky, her voice was different, and she obviously wasn’t afraid to have a poor dye job for that sad excuse for black over natural blonde hair. I feel like she was marketed to become the next Madonna. And then you know what happened? Lady Gaga, that’s what happened. Her outfits were even more wacky, her music was even more different (according to some), and her hair was an even worse excuse for dyed hair. She kind of stole Katy Perry’s thunder.  

Then the next thing to happen, people started comparing her to Zooey Deschanel. Sure, they have similar appearances, but don’t even get me started. Zooey Deschanel is way prettier. They both sing, they both act… sort of, they both have the whole dark hair light eyes thing going on. Then it comes out that Katy Perry used to be a Christian artist. A simple Youtube search will show that her days as a Christian artist prove that she wasn’t a very good singer. Also, her birth name is Katy Hudson and she had to change it because of Kate Hudson, who was already huge in the media. 

Next, I find out that the poor girl starts dating and gets engaged to a hobo off the street. I thought, “How sweet, she’s taking in a homeless person. I guess she’s still a Christian.” And then I find out that Russell Brand isn’t a hobo. He permanently looks like that BY CHOICE. Maybe she thinks she has to settle? I don’t know. It just seems like he would give her an infection of some sort just by her smelling him. So I really feel very badly for her.

And then I remember she’s a huge super star and makes millions of dollars and I stop feeling sorry for her and start caring about things that actually matter.