This is why I don't tan

There is a lesson behind every choice in life, am I right? Well what about the choices others make that affect you? That’s where I think that saying gets tricky. My story involves my absent-minded brother who locked me out of the house on the first 95-degree day of the summer. There has to be some life lesson that I’m missing here, right? I would like to believe that my potential heat stroke and extreme thirst were not in vain. Of course, I am being a drama queen once again and doing so to get a good story out of it. But I think that Aaron’s decision to “accidentally” lock the door left me with a good life lesson: always take at least a phone.

As I took the opportunity to finish tanning (without sunblock, mind you…which is my own fault) whilst waiting for my dad to rescue me (as well as Maggie), I decided to use social media to alert the masses about my stranded situation. All the while, no one cared. I suspect they were too busy in the fruitful luxury of air condition and pouring ice on themselves while I baked like a Thanksgiving Day turkey outside. I don’t blame them. They made the right call not tanning on a cruelly hot day. I called my mom and she suggested that while I wait to drink out of the garden hose. It tasted like roasted footballs. I know many-a-kids grew up with this ordinary means of hydration; I, however, turned my nose up at it in my moment of despair and opted to scorch. So it was a bad life decision on my behalf to do so. I chugged a large cherry Coke from Sonic the second I got inside and grabbed my keys. Great life choice.

So to recap, that’s two awful decisions to tan without sunblock and let my throat burn and two wonderful decisions involving cell phones and Sonic. Thus with the score even, I guess the lesson here would be to not have a mindless brother, but I can’t help that. I’m just kidding. I love my brother and after yelling at him when he finally answered his phone that day, I am no longer upset. But it is funny how he instinctively locked the door as he always does and how that left Maggie and myself outside for longer than we intended. It made me wonder what other split-second decisions have been made that ended up causing a ruckus.

I was going to insert a few jokes here about George W. Bush being reelected, Justin Bieber being allowed to dress himself, and whoever came up with hi-low skirts (a.k.a. the Mullet Skirt), but I think you get the picture. As for me, I will just make sure to stay super pasty white and never attempt to tan again. That sounds like a better life choice anyway.